NeuroExplorer

Tag: Autisum

  • From Masking to Living: The Power of Embracing Authenticity

    From Masking to Living: The Power of Embracing Authenticity

    Alright, let’s talk about masking.

    What Is Masking?

    If you’re autistic, chances are you’ve been doing it your whole life, maybe without even realizing it. I didn’t. I just thought I was really good at adapting. Masking is basically when autistic people consciously or unconsciously hide parts of themselves to fit social expectations.

    Honestly, I spent years trying to be the perfect version of “normal.” Which is hilarious now, because I’ve finally realized there is no such thing as normal. Everyone masks to some extent. People have their “friend” mask, their “job interview” mask, their “meeting the in-laws” mask. The version of you in Vegas with your friends is probably not the exact same version showing up at a serious business meeting pretending to know what “synergy” means.

    When Masking Becomes Survival

    The difference is autistic masking often goes way beyond that. For me, it was survival.
    I could jump between groups like a social chameleon. Sports team? Nailed it. Top grades? Yep. Party girl? Oh, absolutely. But looking back, it felt less like being myself and more like method acting.

    Costume. Script. Rehearsed lines. Cue the awkward fake laugh.
    It wasn’t until a couple years ago, and yes, I’m 42 now, that I was intensively diagnosed:

    Autistic.

    Which honestly explained… basically everything.
    Looking back, I had different versions of myself for different people. It wasn’t fake because the personalities were all still me. But they were edited versions. Carefully filtered versions. Socially acceptable versions.

    I rehearsed everything.

    • How to talk
    • How long to make eye contact
    • How to laugh without sounding weird
    • How to stand
    • How to exist without attracting attention

    The Exhaustion of Performing Normal

    Apparently there are all these unspoken social rules everyone else just magically understands. Meanwhile I’m over here trying to calculate the correct amount of eye contact like it’s a hostage negotiation.

    Too much eye contact? Creepy.
    Too little? Suspicious.
    Perfect amount? Who knows. Apparently neurotypical people are born with this information pre-installed.
    And small talk? Absolutely not.

    “How about this weather?”
    Sir, I do not care about the weather. I care about why grocery stores rearrange aisles without warning and how spreadsheets are unfairly underrated.

    Masking is basically showing up to social situations pretending everything feels natural when internally you’re running a full emergency operating system.

    You nod at the right moments. Smile on cue. Throw in a “haha totally” every few minutes so people know you’re alive. Meanwhile your brain is busy replaying every sentence you’ve said since 2007.

    • Did I sound rude?
    • Too excited?
    • Too monotone?
    • Was that joke weird?
    • Was that hug too long?
    • Did I accidentally beep boop like a malfunctioning robot during conversation?

    And the wild part is people often think you’re okay socially.

    Meanwhile you leave the interaction mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted like you just completed customer service during Black Friday.
    Because masking is exhausting.

    It’s not just pretending to like small talk or forcing eye contact. It’s wearing a mask over your entire identity. After enough years, you don’t even know where the performance ends and you begin.

    And honestly? That part gets lonely.

    You can have friends. You can look social. But deep down, it feels like nobody fully knows you because you’re constantly adjusting yourself to match the room.
    Internally? Absolutely fighting for your life in a loud restaurant while pretending you’re fine.

    Learning to Unmask

    But things changed for me once I started unmasking.
    Not in some dramatic movie scene where I suddenly became my authentic self overnight. It was slower. Awkward. Slightly chaotic.

    More like:
    “You know what? I’m just going to be honest.”
    And then five minutes later accidentally explaining my deep emotional connection to dual monitors.

    Unmasking doesn’t mean throwing all social rules out the window and becoming a feral raccoon. It just means letting yourself exist without performing quite so hard all the time.

    It means saying:

    • “I’m overwhelmed.”
    • “I need quiet for an hour.”
    • “I actually don’t enjoy crowded places.”
    • “I’m exhausted and my brain is done processing humans today.”

    And surprisingly? The right people understand.

    Now I have people around me I don’t fully mask with. People I can actually say things to like:
    “Hey, I need an hour alone listening to music because my brain feels like 47 browser tabs playing different sounds.”
    And instead of judging me, they just go:
    “Okay.”

    Honestly, the more I stopped performing, the more comfortable life became.
    Turns out being yourself uses way less energy than trying to manually operate a human simulator 24/7.
    And the funniest part? People usually like the real version of you better anyway.

    What Unmasking Looks Like for Me

    So here’s to unmasking.

    • To stim toys
    • To noise-cancelling headphones
    • To accidentally info-dumping about spreadsheets, water shoes, paddleboards, or whatever your current obsession is
    • To leaving events early
    • To needing recovery time after socializing
    • To finally realizing different doesn’t mean broken

    Because at the end of the day, it’s a lot easier to exist when you stop treating your personality like a customer service job

    And honestly?

    I’m way less tired now, and I have people around who know and like the actual me, not just the version I thought I had to perform.

    If you’re anything like me, maybe try unmasking, even just a little bit at a time. You might be surprised how much lighter life feels.

  • Paddle & Chill at Chestermere Lake

    Paddle & Chill at Chestermere Lake

    Christine standing on a paddle board at Chestermere lake. With houses in the background and a blue sky.

    Accessible Fun Just Outside Calgary

    If you’re near Calgary and craving a paddleboarding adventure that won’t break your back getting to the water, Chestermere Lake is a fantastic spot to check out. It has a surprisingly accessible setup that makes it a great choice for folks dealing with mobility challenges or anyone who just appreciates easy access.

    Parking & Access at Sunset Beach
    One of the biggest perks here is the close parking. When you’re carrying paddleboards, gear, or maybe even on crutches (hello, me), having a short walk to the water is a lifesaver. Bonus: there are a few different spots where you can launch, giving you options depending on how the wind or crowds are. Read about that down below.

    The Launch & The Hill at Sunset Beach
    Yes, there’s a hill to get down to the water. It’s manageable, though, and I managed just fine on crutches. You’ll also find stairs at the launch, which make it easier to get on and off your board without slipping or falling over.

    Blue Sky, blue crisp water, rocky shore line that breaks with stairs leading up to the grassy area of people to relax and play in. In the distance you can see two floating docks.
    Cement stairs leading into the water. Three steps total.
    Four cement steps submerged in water, with some rocks on the edge.

    Nature & Wildlife
    If you love birds (hi Matt), this is your spot. There are plenty of ducks, so don’t be surprised if you’re sharing your space with some feathered friends. Sometimes you can even catch glimpses of fish in the water. I swear they’re there if you squint hard enough! One touched my foot one time, didn’t love that..

    Chestermere lake with a family of ducks floating in the water, along with the stairs that lead you down into the water.
    Family of Ducks at the lake, along with the stairs that lead into the water

    Safety First
    Always <gear up> before heading out whistle, life jacket, water bottle, and any other safety essentials you need. Don’t skip it, it matters. When you’re done: Rinse your board. Its just not about keeping it clean, It stops invasives species from hitching a ride and helps your board last longer. The future will thank you.

    The Cop Story
    Here’s a funny one: I once got “pulled over” while paddling! No, not for speeding on the water, but because a cop wanted to chat. At first, we didn’t realize they were talking to us, so we just kept paddling away. When we finally figured it out, I was balancing like crazy to stop mid-paddle without tipping over. We all ended up laughing, especially the cop, who was super friendly. Definitely one of my most memorable paddling adventures!

    Paddle boards resting on the grass beside the boat launch at Chestermere lake.
    Boat launch not in use anymore at Anniversary Beach.

    Nearby Amenities
    There’s a local restaurant with a nice view. I haven’t been there yet, but it’s on my bucket list. You’ll also find a few shops close by, along with Tim Hortons, A&W, and other fast-food joints. Plus, there’s a grocery store just a short distance away, making it easy to grab what you need before or after your paddling session. The lake itself has boaters too, but don’t worry — they have to slow down in certain areas to keep paddlers like us safe and dry.

    A Little Challenge
    There’s a low bridge you’ve got to go under, which means if you’re standing, maneuver to sitting to get through. Some people love it, as it adds to the adventure vibes. Others? Hard pass. If its not your thing, no worries – the lake is big enough you can completely just stay on one side.

    A bridge over the water that you can paddle under when on the late. There is a car about to cross the bridge.

    And if you skip it, I believe its just water under the bridge 🤔

    Final Thoughts
    Chestermere Lake is a gem for accessible outdoor fun. Whether you want to paddle, watch nature, or just soak up the calm, it’s a spot worth visiting. Easy parking, helpful launch spots, friendly locals, and a beautiful lake just outside the city what more could you want?

    As mentioned above, there are four public access points to the lake: The Cove, Anniversary Park, Sunset Beach, and John Peake Memorial Park. All four locations have accessible water entry points.

    The Cove has a natural beach entrance, perfect for an easy walk-in.

    Anniversary Park features gradual steps leading into the water, with more space between steps than traditional stairs. It also has a dedicated boat launch that’s closed to motorized boats, making it a safe and relaxed spot for paddle boarding or kayaking.

    Sunset Beach offers steps into the water as well as two floating docks, making it easy to launch paddle boards or simply wade in gradually.

    John Peake Memorial Park includes a floating dock with a dedicated kayak launch and is the main boat launch area, with two ramps nearby. Swimming isn’t permitted here, but it’s perfect for launching boats and kayaks.

    Bentley the pug sleeping on the paddle board at Chestermere lake. He is wearing a yellow life jacket and is resting his head on a red life jacket.